I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
