ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
