ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
