Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
