I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
