Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
