opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
