I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
