Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
