can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
