Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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