The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
the liver wants what the liver wants
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
