1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
