Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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