i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
