I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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