I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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