Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
