i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
