If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
