Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
