chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
