I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
