He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
