I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
