He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
