made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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