i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need water and some morals
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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