The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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