I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
