SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
