i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
