He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
