That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
