happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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