U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
