.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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