Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
