i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
