So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
