Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
