wanna go halves on a baby?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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