I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
