I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
