I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i already hear my dad disowning me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
