I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
