he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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