I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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