I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
