The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
