His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
