Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
