I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
