Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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