I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
