I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
