i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
