I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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