youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
