Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
