I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
