At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
