It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
