xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
