think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
