Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
