That's when you crack a 10am beer
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
