my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Will exercising make me less horny?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize