i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
