You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
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As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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