Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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