Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
