Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize