I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
