I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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