There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
