they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
