Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
