Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
