I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize