I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
love makes seman taste better
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Enjoy the penises
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
