singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
